Historical February 1992 article. Dates, prices, services and contacts describe the source period; current availability has not been established.
Warning: This is a low-humor column, lower than usual, and could be dangerous to your peace of mind. It’s hard to sit here with 1992 coming out of the womb and not think about both what’s happened and what’s ahead.
The pace of change continues to surprise me.
The only thing constant is change. It’s a bit like puberty.
I remember a couple of years ago, when the Berlin Wall fell, thinking that I’d never see anything like that again in my lifetime. And now in the past year we’ve seen the collapse of the Soviet Empire. What next? Will Ladue get subsidized housing? Trying to make sense out of the present and trying to predict the future are both a bit like looking out a side window from the inside of a speeding train. You can get a feel for the scenery and terrain if you look a bit ahead and then behind, as much as your window will allow.
If you look straight outside, and keep your line of vision perpendicular to the tracks, all you see is a blur. And if it were possible to climb far above the clouds, only then could you see where the train is heading and where it has been.
As luck would have it, however, I am able to climb far above the clouds and see the tracks.
There are some journalistic trade secrets that I can’t divulge, but the bottom-line is that I can predict the future.
For what it’s worth, this skill has something to do with cheap cigars and port, but that’s another column.
As you might imagine, this talent for prognosticating isn’t something that I like to advertise or want well-known.
In fact, it’s because this column is read by only a few trusted friends and a few semi-trusted relatives that I’m sharing my secret here. Nonetheless, it’s true, I know what will happen in 1992. At least some things. Unfortunately, I don’t know, I can’t foresee, the really big things, like stock prices, length of hemlines, or which movie will win the Academy Award for Best Picture.
The small, minor events like presidential elections, Super Bowl Champions, and what will happen on “LA. Law” are mine to see! So here goes!
Here are the TOP 10 PREDICTIONS FOR 1992! Paste this on your refrigerator door and remember, you read it here first If any of these predictions do not come true, simply send this article to me, with the exact prediction circled and your name written on it, and I’ll gladly refund the price of The Times of Skinker-DeBaliviere, no questions asked. Such a deal. Governor Schoemehl! Yep, no explanation’s needed for this one.
The • woods are full of people who’ve gone broke betting against Vince, and I’m no fool.
It won’t be easy, but he’ll pull it off. And believe me, the City of Jefferson will never be the same. Just thing: a Missouri Governor who actually does something; we won’t know what to expect!
An NFL Franchise is awarded to St. Louis. Hooray.
Now we have • another losing team to root for. Maybe this will take some of the heat off Cardinal GM Dal Maxville.
While I’m certain that we will get a team. I’m having real trouble coming up with its nickname.
The St. Louis “Pioneers,” “Bombers,” and “Pilots” keep coming to mind, but don’t bet the house or firstborn on any of them. And for sure, the team colors won’t include RED.
The Post continues its front page City murder tally. Ah, here’s monopo- • listic journalism at its best.
In the fine tradition of identifying and magnifying problems rather than working for their solutions, our unopposed daily newspaper once again starts keeping a front-page scorecard on the tragic murder rate in our fair City. And by the way, how many of those editors actually live in the City? Light rail is way over budget. What a surprise. No question this is pork- • barrelling and boondoggling at its best, but, hey, at least it’s OUR pork-barrel and boondoggle.
The Democratic presidential nominee is not Clinton or Kerrey or • Wilder. One of these three, however, is the Vice-presidential nominee. Honest! Danny Quayle is again the Republican VicePresidential Nominee • and President George Bush wins re-election in November. It’s almost a squeeker, far closer than predicted, and the Democratic party gains seats in both houses, but we have George and Danny for four more years.
During the campaign, the abortion question takes a distant second to concerns about the economy. By December 1992, Democratic candidates start lining up to run against. Danny in 1996.
The baseball Cards lose more games than they win. And more than two • million fans attend the home games.
I don’t quite understand this, but then look at all of the people who have nothing better to do than phone in on the KMOX call-in shows! Go figure!
The summer of ’92 is the hottest ever, with almost a month and one-half of • consecutive days in which temperatures reach into the 90’s. And the scientists say that they’re not sure about whether or not there’s a Greenhouse Effect. Riiiight The State takes over one local school district due to bankruptcy. There’s a • big hue and cry about how more money is needed and kids are being shortchanged, but nothing else happens. Oh sure, some money is made available so that the district is solvent, but it’s not enough to make a difference for the kids.
But these are poor kids, from families that aren’t politically connected, so nothing really happens. So what’s nett? Yeltsin and Castro and Mizzou’s Bob Stull are out. • Torre is still in along with Virvus and Mayor Villa. Freeman Bosley, Jr. is the new president of the Board of Alderman. Isn’t ’92 going to be fun? Remember, you read it here first! •
Originally published in The Times of Skinker-DeBaliviere, February 1992.
Read this article in the original newspaper issue.
Original source: SD_Times1992_02.pdf, printed page(s) 8; PDF page(s) 8.
