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Original printed byline: Hawkeye Z. Hoerr
Historical November–December 2010 article. Dates, prices, services and contacts describe the source period; current availability has not been established.
We are not alone. No, I’m not referring to the folks who pick through the dumpsters in the alleys, and I’m not talking about the apparitions who show up on Election Day to vote. I’m talking about other life forms on other planets, about people like us. Or not. You see, it’s no longer speculation.
We have identified a planet that is not only capable of hosting life, there’s a good chance that it does so. (“We,” by the way, ain’t me. It’s researchers who study this stuff for fun.) The planet is Gliese 581g.
To provide a bit more detail so that you can seek it when you point your i-Phone in the sky, Gliese 581g orbits a sun, a dim red star, called Gliese 581 (pronounced GLEE-za). Gliese 581 is not just around the corner; in fact, it’s 20 light years away, in the constellation Libra.
A light year, in case you were napping in high school physics class, is a term for the distance light travels at 186,000 miles per second in a calendar year.
The light that we see today from star Gliese 581 left there in 1990. Bush the first was president and Bush the second was a part-owner of a major league baseball team. Boy, did things go downhill after that!
If the concept of 20 light year’s distance doesn’t quite tickle your odometer and you’d rather think about those miles in conventional terms, you can do the calculation: 365 days x 24 hours X 60 minutes X 60 seconds X 186,500 miles = 5,878,625,373,184 miles. Yep, that means that a light year is almost six TRILLION miles. Do you realize how many rest stops we’d need to drive 6,000,000,000,000 miles? You could listen to Books-On-Tape of every book in the Congressional Library. So what do we know about this planet that is not quite six trillion miles away? Well, the reason we think there life is highly possible there is that the planet is in the Goldilocks distance from the sun – not too hot and not too cold. It’s not freezing and it’s not boiling.
This tiny planet revolves around its sun, Gliese 581, every 37 days. (If I was there, that means that I’d be about 640 Gliese years old!) Unlike my earlier articles about Sarah Palin being an alien and Rush Limbaugh being made of green cheese, I am not making this up. Indeed, all of this fancysounding stuff that I shared comes from an article in the New York Times (September 30, 2010). And you know, if it’s in the Times, it’s true.
If it’s in the (Times of Skinker-DeBaliviere, that is. Our editorial page is much more balanced!) Anyway, scientists tell us that Gliese 581g has a 90% likelihood of water, and that the surface temperatures are likely to be between 10 and -24F, comparable to a summer day on Antarctica. Wow. One scientist is quotes as thinking that the chances of life there are almost 100%. Think about that will you! I’ve thought a lot about this over the years.
I just know, no doubt, that other life exists in the universe. How could it not?
If you doubt me, check out the following quote: There are one-half trillion stars in our Milky Way galaxy. That’s right, it’s trillion with a T. That’s 500,000,000,000 stars… And our galaxy is only one of billions of galaxies!
The Hubble telescope has discerned areas that contain 80 billion galaxies, and there are many, many more galaxies that are beyond Hubble’s’ purview. (Hawkeye, In Your Ear, November 2007) Think about all those stars and some having planets and some of those planets being in the Goldilocks zone and some of those planets having water and some of those planets harboring life. That’s’ a lot of somes, and it makes sense. So now that we’ve established that statistically life out there is a certainty, and now we have an inkling of where it might be. Hello Gliese 581g!
But what about it?
We have no idea what these life forms look like.
We can assume that they’ve adapted to their environment, as we have, Mr. Darwin, but what else? What might possibly be possible? Well, dear reader, here are the epistemological questions that plague me.
I think about them more than I should (but at least it’s better than thinking about the war in Afghanistan or whether LaRussa is going to return). About that life form which exists on Gliese 581g: 1. Does the life form keep another species as a pet?
I mean, we have dogs, cats, birds, turtles, occasionally mice and snakes. What about the XYZ living on Gliese 581g? Does it keep an ABC or PKR? Does the ABC require walking, or does the PKR need PKR-litter? Do all “intelligent” species confine and enslave other species, or just us? 2. For that matter, does the Gliese 581g life form enslave other Gliese 581g life forms, maybe those of a different hue or accent? Is man’s inhumanity to man limited to man? 3. Do these Gliese 581g life forms play any sports? Do they consume enough nourishment that they have spare energy to engage in recreational pursuits? Really, think about it: Once an organism consumes far more than it needs, assuming that the organism has time on its hands or whatever those appendages are, wouldn’t it want to have fun? What’s a grandslam on Gliese 581g? 4. What is the equivalent of music on Gliese 581? Not unlike my hunch on recreation, Gliese 581g life forms must satisfy the survival and maintenance of their life form first; I get that.
But if they are reasonably safe and reasonably well-nourished, what comes next? What or who is the Gliese 581g equivalent of Michael Jackson? Is rhythm a concept limited to Earth? (Say, come to think of it, maybe Michael Jackson already came from there!) 5. And finally, at this second, is someone on Gliese 581g reading about the possibility of life on our planet? Is this a case of the peeping Tom seeing a Tom peeping?
We not only are in a Goldilocks Zone, after all, we ARE the Goldliocks Zone. How many other life forms on how many other planets have identified this rock we call Earth as possibly supporting life? Has life on our planet been speculated about in the Gliese 581gTimes? I’d like to write more now, because there are many other points about Gliese 581g that have caught my fancy.
However, while 20 light years is farther than my VW is likely to go, I believe in time warps and the capacity of Black Holes to jettison us across mindboggling distances.
We just don’t have a grasp of the technology yet. That’s not surprising; it always happens. Think of Columbus trying to operate the cable TV he had on the Santa Maria. Anyway, I figure I’ll get to Gliese 581g before you know it. No, make that before I know it.
I just have to find the right time warp and quietly slip away.
The journey will be arduous but the destination will be worthwhile.
I just hope that Gliese 581g has the equivalent of Starbucks.
Originally published in The Times of Skinker-DeBaliviere, November–December 2010.
Read this article in the original newspaper issue.
Archival transcription note: Source shifts 20 lightyears to under 6 trillionmiles and gives inconsistent light-speed arithmetic; original humor assertions not silently recalculated.
Original source: SD_Times2010_11.pdf, printed page(s) 8; PDF page(s) 8.
