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Historical February 1992 article. Dates, prices, services and contacts describe the source period; current availability has not been established.
Reports of the activities of the local wildlife—more or less. domesticated. Readers are encouraged to submit items.
A reward is being offered for documented sightings of local opossums hanging by their tails from any neighborhood tree. One neighborhood student is developing a science fair project which hypothesizes that local ‘possums are really just large, fluffy rats trying to improve their image.
The researcher seeks evidence to dispute this theory, but doubts it is possible to obtain.
If sightings are made, photographic evidence will be required for the reward to be given.
This evidence should include some local landmark to verify that this is, in fact, a Skinker-DeBaliviere –possum”.
The researcher does not dispute that ‘possums exist, only that they do not exist in this area. Those seeking this reward are reminded that the ‘possum season opens March 1 and the population will be decimated thereafter in anticipation of the St. Patrick’s Day feast. Squeeky, who has condescended to abide with the Stuarts of 61XX Kingsbury for many years, reportedly caught the third mouse of her long life and shared her prize with the family. Impressed by her achievement, they conferred on her the title “Killer Cat” and have labelled her favorite chair to this effect.
A little mutual respect goes a long way in domestic relations. Cecil Fielder, however, currently under feline contract with our new editor, Lana Stein, has been flirting with a trade.
In recent days, probably going for an imaginary long ball, he pulled over an entire bookcase, causing considerable property damage, but walkedaway without a scratch.
He is currently a suspect in the destruction of a prized ceramic vase during another afterhours incident.
The Westminster naturalist, whose motto is “If it likes live food and has no personality whatsoever, I want to raise it”, reports that an iguana can remain motionless for at least three hours at a stretch.
The excitement is unbearable. Greater Love Hath No Man or Cat Department: Ashley, the winsome white and black cat who adopted the Schoenfelds of Westminster, submits to a bi-weekly bath in order to share their affection without causing an allergic meltdown. Sounds like a profile in courage on their part, too. Ashley must be very lovable because Gus, the family Scotty, is totally devoted to her as well Send your anecdotes concerning inter-species relations to Pet-o-files, care of the SDCC office, 6010 Kingsbury, by the 15th of the month.•
Originally published in The Times of Skinker-DeBaliviere, February 1992.
Read this article in the original newspaper issue.
Original source: SD_Times1992_02.pdf, printed page(s) 4; PDF page(s) 4.
