Original printed byline: Hawkeye Z. Hoerr. Commentary in the TIMES since 1980.
I was leaving the renovated Uncle Bill’s Pancake House on south Kingshighway – their pancakes are still the best! – and was in the midst of a vibrant discussion with my friend. Actually, maybe it was vibrant-plus because we were talking about how to change the world. Again. As we parted to go to our cars, I was jarred by the comment of the man who had held the door open for us. “You’re welcome,” he said. It was jarring because we were so caught up in our conversation, we hadn’t bothered to thank him.
There was no excuse for my rude oversight, none. Even if my friend and I were truly about to change the world, there is always room for gratitude. You see, the older I’ve become – not that I am old yet – the more I understand that the little things in life really are the big things, and that gratitude is one of them. We feel seen when others express their appreciation to us. Years ago I wrote: “What offers great benefits at little cost? Gratitude, taking the time to express appreciation,” so that makes my recent oversight all the more egregious. So much for practicing what I preach.
There is a difference between gratitude and appreciation even though the terms are often used interchangeably. Gratitude is how we feel, and when we express this to others, it becomes appreciation. Acting on our gratitude is a win-win because when we express our appreciation to others it causes them to feel good. No matter how busy or jaundiced we are, receiving a thanks from someone releases dopamine throughout our brain. That’s not shabby! According to Dr. Google, “Dopamine is a key neurotransmitter and ‘feel-good’ hormone that acts as a chemical messenger in the brain, essential for pleasure, motivation, memory, learning, and motor control. It reinforces behaviors by creating feelings of satisfaction, playing a major role in the brain's reward system.” And you can generate that just by a little thanks. KA-POW!
But this isn’t easy. Visibly showing appreciation – not just feeling gratitude – is typically not part of our routine. Despite our gratitude, we often we don’t show our appreciation to others because we are too busy. Or perhaps we are used to their good efforts and showing appreciation is not the norm. Hawkeye knows that it’s not possible to stop and express gratitude each time someone is helpful or shows kindness, but we need to develop the habit of regularly making and taking the time to let others know that we appreciate their efforts.
Perfunctory simple thanks count, but often they do not convey the depth of gratitude that we feel and the appreciation that others need. Simply taking another 30 seconds to provide specifics can be powerful. Imagine others’ feelings when you extend your thanks with some elaboration, such as “I really appreciate how you…” or “Thanks for taking the time to …” Or “You were really helpful when you…”
Expressing our gratitude can become a habit if we work to develop it. Hawkeye consciously seeks those times when he should thank others, and has worked to expand this practice with his friends. For the past six or so months, whenever a group convenes – whether it is for a holiday dinner, a social get-together, or the meeting of his guys’ Book Club, he asks that everyone begin by taking turns sharing something for which they feel gratitude. It’s always a wonderful experience, says Hawkeye, because he can feel his dopamines firing! It pays forward too because friends have said that knowing this question is coming causes them to be more aware of the kindness and generosity of others; that’s a win!
In the classes that I teach, I assign students to write three handwritten notes each week for the first three weeks of class. They simply have to report the date that they did this; I don’t need to know to whom the notes were sent or why. I explain the importance of gratitude as we begin to do this, and as I see their tiny facial expressions through my Zoom screen, it seems that some of them are dubious about its value.
In the following weeks, I began class by asking “How did it go? How were you feeling when you wrote your notes of thanks? Did you get any reaction?” Students met in small groups to share their feelings about the experience and it was obvious that any dubious feelings evaporated. Almost all of the students talked about how good it felt to express their gratitude and show appreciation, and a few shared the positive reactions they received from the recipients of their notes. Near the end of the semester I have the class do this again in the hope that writing hand-written notes of appreciation will become a habit.
How about you, dear reader? I am sure you wouldn’t have overlooked the kind gentlemen who opened the door at Uncle Bill’s, but how often do you routinely thank people with more than just a drive-by thanks? Might beginning a meal with everyone sharing gratitude moments work for you? When is the last time you sent, gasp, a hand-written note of appreciation? Hey, Hawkeye thanks you for reading this column!
Originally published in The Times of Skinker-DeBaliviere, Summer 2026. Archived with the June–July 2026 issue. June 1 is an archival filing date; the exact printing day is not established.
Read this article in the original newspaper issue, page 8.
Original source: SD_Times2026_06.pdf, printed page 8; PDF page 8.
