Confronting Complexity With Compassion

Historical Summer 2024 article. Dates, prices, services and contacts describe the source period; current availability has not been established.

Recently, I was reminded of the “tug of war” we face as Americans between showing compassion and dealing with the complexity of international issues that knock at our “front door” because our friends in St. Louis come from countries such as the Ukraine, Israel and Palestine.

It happened at my favorite gas station just a few miles from Skinker-DeBaliviere!

I have a special affection for this particular gas station because the owner extended great kindness to me 5 years ago when I needed help.

A shield under my car was partially detached and dragging against the street making a very loud noise.

I stopped at the gas station and a man with a noticeable accent immediately offered to look at the problem.

He didn’t hesitate to get on the dirty ground under my car and repair the problem.

He refused to charge me and I learned he was the owner of that gas station.

I was blown away and thanked him repeatedly for his kindness and compassion. Since that time, his station has become my “go to place” for gas and I enjoy a relationship with him and his staff. Not long ago, one of the workers was standing outside of the gas station smoking and intently watching a video on his phone with an expression of pain on his face.

He looked as if he was about to cry.

This is a worker that always greets me with a smile and authentic engagement. He’d ask things like how I was feeling that day or comment about the unpredictable St. Louis weather.

I knew something was seriously wrong!

I asked, “Where is that wonderful smile of yours that always makes us all happy?” He looked up at me and apologized with a tear or two hiding at the corners of his large dark eyes.

In his Middle-Eastern accent he said, “Ms. Nadal I have a little girl that is 7 years old born right here in America … not Palestine.

She could have been this little girl! Look at this!” This was the first time I would learn that he was Palestinian.

He showed me a video of a little girl being carried by her father into a bombed hospital in Gaza.

I had seen that very girl and her father on television a day or two before on national television. Sadly, the little girl in the video was dead but the father persisted in begging doctors to save her.

He then showed me a picture of his own daughter who looked just like him.

She was happy and smiling as she played with her toys at home here in St. Louis. Spontaneously, I gave my friend a big hug saying in one uncensored single sentence “I know that women are not supposed to show such affection to Muslim men but since I’m 73 years old and your only African American grandma I want you to know that I think I understand what you are feeling now. I’m so sorry! ” I was fortunate that he understood what I was trying to do in lifting him up.

He smiled after my embrace and explanation followed by a repeated, “Thank you…Thank you…Thank you Ms. Nadal!” I went inside to pay for my gas wondering if I had done the wrong thing to show such affection and familiarity and when I came out to the car, my friend was standing by the pump ready to fill my tank for me. That is something that has not been done at any gas station since the 1970s!

He wanted me to know that everything was fine and he appreciated my concern.

As I left the station, I continued to think about what it meant that he was Palestinian. Would that change his experience with fellow Americans?

I wondered what some of my Jewish friends would say if they learned about my relationship with these Palestinian men who have been so gracious to me over the years.

I knew most of my Jewish friends would not judge me since they have known me for years and know my dedication to cross-cultural understanding and acceptance.

I also knew from people like Rabbi Shai Held that love is a cornerstone principle of the Jewish faith.

There are both Jews and Palestinians who want peace, who support a two state solution and want a cease fire and there are those on both sides who want the war to continue until they have achieved their political and territorial goals.

The war in Gaza is very complex.

There is one thing I am certain about and that is the power of love when authentically expressed to those that are different than we are.

I have been coming to this gas station for years and never questioned who they were and what country they came from.

My care has come from observing their actions and experiencing their kindness and loving them as part of my communitya diverse community of people from different cultures with varied religious and political beliefs. Our greatest enemy is complacency which is nurtured by not getting to know those around us who are different or digging into the facts that surround such international issues.

If we dodge complexity we are in trouble.

If we embrace complexity and compassion, we have a chance of solving the most vital problems of the world and our own community.

During Covid neighbors did not berate people for not wanting to wear masks. Our energy was spent in digging for the facts and sharing critical information in a compassionate way. Such dedication takes time, patience and bountiful love expressed by our willingness to confront complexity

wherever it presents itself. That day at the gas station I felt a tangible connection to the complexity of the war in Gaza and how compassion can be a powerful ally to peace.

When I passed the steel fencing on Skinker Blvd.

I could not help but feel that there was a missed opportunity to confront complexity and edify compassion.

Originally published in The Times of Skinker-DeBaliviere, Summer 2024.

Read this article in the original newspaper issue.

Original source: SD_Times2024_06.pdf, printed page(s) 4, 5; PDF page(s) 4, 5.