Historical September–October 2019 article. Dates, prices, services and contacts describe the source period; current availability has not been established.
Once upon a time, in a land of sunshine and daydreams, there lived an arrogant man.
He wouldn’t wear sunscreen, and spent his days in front of the mirror combing his hair.
He never shopped discount, and was easily satisfied with name brands.
His poor wife was left to pay the bills, and maintain their modest home. One day, he decided to make a career change in a tight job market.
He kissed his wife goodbye, and promised her he would return.
As the days passed by, she listened, in silence, for the sound of his footsteps striking the path. At night, before she went to sleep, her plaintive whispers were echoed in the wind, “Whatever happened to Danny”? Danny was out making his way in the world; he had finished his training to become an X-ray technologist.
On the way home, he came upon an old beggar woman. “Please kind sir, could you give an old woman a sip of water from your canteen.” In disgust, he scoffed at her, “You silly old woman.
This isn’t just water, its Perrier, the Champagne of mineral waters, and I can’t spare a drop”.
Her piercing black eyes twinkled with mischief, “What is a man of your stature doing on this beaten down trail?” Danny swept back his hair, puffed out his chest and declared, “I am returning home to start a rewarding career in X-ray technology.” “X-ray,” she cackled, “You should have gone into ultrasound. You’ll never get a job in X-ray; the market is saturated.” Danny took a swig from his canteen, rinsed his mouth, and spit the Perrier on to the dusty trail, “What do you know?” he snarled, you’re just an old, beggar woman, I’ll get a job in X-ray,” Immediately, an infernal flame engulfed the old woman, and in her place stood a wild-haired enchantress. “You petulant child,” she hissed. “You’re too blind with vanity to see that you’re going bald.
When you get a job in X-ray, you’ll spend ten years on the night shift!” The sky bristled with anger, as the enchantress waved her arms. “If the last follicle of hair drops from your head, before you find humility, you’ll be damned to eternal darkness!” Nearly ten years had passed, and Danny stood, lonely, in front of the mirror. “Oh mirror, I curse these endless nights!
My sleep pattern is all screwed up, and I’m getting unsightly bags underneath my eyes. Am I still as handsome as I think I am?” The mirror answered curtly, “I wouldn’t worry about your eyes. I’d be more concerned about that delicate comb-over you have. Your hair is falling like leaves, and we’re approaching perpetual Midnight.” A tear fell down Danny’s cheek, and he raised his voice to the moon, “Nothing good ever happens to Danny!” Meanwhile, back on the day shift, Danny’s wife kept her lonesome vigil. Alone at night, watching her shows, she could hear a distant moan, and wondered if it might be him.
She resolved to find out.
Her co-workers were aghast. “Don’t you dare go in to the night shift! It’s dangerous, foreboding, and the food is terrible.” But she wouldn’t listen.
She clocked in at 9:00 p.m., and searched the empty corridors.
As she passed by the desolate cafeteria, she heard the heavy sighs that had brought her into the gloom.
She opened the door, and saw him standing in front of the chicken wing bar.
A single hair clung to his head, and he cried, “I swear if I could get off the night shift, I’d wear a hat in the sunlight, and even buy generic. Just then, his beautiful wife stepped out of the shadows, “Danny, I’ve come to take you home.” Back in the land of Happy Hours Ever After, Danny’s wild-haired waitress brought him a glass of ice cold tap water. “How are we doing today, sir?” Danny leaned back in his chair, and smiled, “I’m just living the dream.”
Originally published in The Times of Skinker-DeBaliviere, September–October 2019.
Read this article in the original newspaper issue.
Original source: SD_Times2019_09.pdf, printed page(s) 4; PDF page(s) 3.
