Historical September–October 2002 article. Dates, prices, services and contacts describe the source period; current availability has not been established.
Hey, buddy, why the frown? What’s got you down? Fearful of another terrorist attack? Worried about just how low can the stock market go? Or are your frets more mundane: Will the car make it through another year? Does this green shirt goes with these blue pants? Are your nights sleepless and you’re not even living in Seattle? Well, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet. Yes, I have the worry-ofall-worries, that concern to put all concerns to rest, the ugly truth coming around the corner that you’ll never be able to forget.
If you are a worrywart, even a bit of a worrywart, do not continue with this column.
As if you didn’t have enough to worry about, try “Astronomers are monitoring asteroid’s threat to Earth.” That was the headline of an article on page A9 in the July 25 Post-Dispatch.
The article went on to say that a 1.2 milewide asteroid is being watched because there is a possibility that it will strike the Earth on February 1, 2019. Huh?
I sat up in my easy chair, took a long puff on my ceegar, and began to read more carefully. One-point-two miles wide??? That’s about the size of the asteroid that hit the Earth 60 million years ago, wiping out the dinosaurs and just about everything else larger than an insect!
An asteroid 1.2 miles wide will hit with the equivalence of, say, 300 Abombs of the size that leveled Hiroshima. Whoever is near where the spot where the 1.2 mile hunk of rock will hit has a problem, that’s for sure. KERPLUNK won’t even begin to capture the sound that this sucker will make as it strikes the Earth.
If you’re within hundreds of miles of the vicinity, say goodbye to your crystal. china, family photos, and other trinkets that you had nicely sitting on shelves. For that matter, if you’re anywhere near the point of impact, say goodbye to refrigerators, autos, campers, and houses.
But it gets worse. It’s not only the folks within, say, a few hundred miles of the spot who are going to feel the effects.
It will have an incredible affect on all of us. Yes, all of us. Remember I said that it the explosion would be equal to 300 A-bombs. Well, there won’t be any radioactive fallout, but the skies will be filled with smoke and dust for years.
All of this will result in a nuclear winter, in effect, an ice age.
In talking about global warming, scientists speculate that a raise in the annual average temperature of 2-3 degrees is enough to melt much of the polar ice and submerge most coastal cities.
The level of the oceans might raise 25 feet.
This means that New York, Miami, and New Orleans will be under water in the states. Well, if a 2-3 degree increase in temperature can cause this havoc – and mind you. a century or so of industrialization hasn’t done it yet – imagine what a 10-15 degree drop in temperature, a drop which happens immediately and lasts for decades, will do. Yes, the nuclear winter will mean a stage of perpetual winter.
The skies will always be dark.
This lack of sunlight means that the Earth will get cold and stay colder.
With no summers to melt the show, it will turn to ice and the ice will simply accumulate.
Each year’s winter (longer winters, by the way, because skies are still black) will yield a greater amount of snow which will fall on last year’s snow and ice.
The last ice age, the one which created the Great Lakes, came down as far as northern Missouri; this one, because it happens more quickly, would come closer, maybe covering all of the lower 48.
In 2029, just a decade after the big HIT, St. Louis could easily be an area in which the ice was always twenty or thirty feet thick. Of course, while we will still be able to get around – those SUV’s will go in just about any terrain! – think what havoc this sort of climate change will have for our agriculture and crops.
A world-wide famine will ensue. Whether or not we’ll be able to produce enough energy to heat homes and businesses is another question, one far from resolved. Feeling relaxed yet? Granted, a bit further the article said that the odds were one in six million of the asteroid striking the Earth. At first blush that doesn’t sound like much: six million is a lot.
But as I think about it, those aren’t great odds. Heck, I’ve bought lots of lottery tickets with far worse odds than that, expecting to win each time. Worse, though, the same news item appeared a day later in the NYTimes (this was really odd, the Times usually beats the Post!) and quoted the odds on hitting the Earth as 1 in 200,000. Yes. one in twohundred thousand. Yikes! You know, 2019 is only seventeen years away. That, too. may seem like a lot, but look back seventeen years, to 1985 and you’ll realize that it really wasn’t that long ago. True, the Internet wasn’t invented and neither were Palm Pilots or Tombstone pizzas, but there were lots of things around then that are still the same today.
We were, even then in ’85, talking about urban sprawl and arguing over whether increasing gasoline taxes was the right way to reduce pollution. Reagan was president, so Bush 41 was already in the spotlight as V-P. “Back to the Future” and “The Color Purple” were big hits but “Amadeus” won the Oscar for Best Picture. Tina Turner’s “What’s Love Got to Do With It?” was the best selling single. Thanks to a blown call at first base, the Cards lost to the Royals in the World Series that year, Gorbachev ascended in Russia, Deng Xiaoping was Time Magazine’s Man of the Year, and Vince Schoemehl was mayor of St. Louis. My, how time flies when you’re having fun.
When I think about these memories, despite my receding hairline and need for eyeglasses, it seems like 17 years ago was almost yesterday. That means, of course, that 2019 – the 1 in 200,000 chance of elimination of our species – is almost tomorrow. What’s this all mean?
My advice: buy everything you can today and finance it with a 30- year mortgage. Happy sleeping!
Originally published in The Times of Skinker-DeBaliviere, September–October 2002.
Read this article in the original newspaper issue.
Original source: SD_Times2002_09.pdf, printed page(s) 8; PDF page(s) 8.
