Historical April 1997 article. Dates, prices, services and contacts describe the source period; current availability has not been established.
Well its official, we’re now a FIT & TRIM family. No, it’s not like anyone in the household has lost weight. Heaven forbid! Rather, our number one poodle, Senor Moxie, has been told that he has to go on a diet.
It was a normal physical.
There we were, me, Senor Mox, and our vet, Dr. Steve.
After much poking and prodding and stethoscope peering Steve ascertained that Maxie is in good shape for the shape that he is in. “Huh?” I replied, never being keen on medical jargon, “what’s that mean?.” “Simple,” said Dr. Steve, “Moxie will be 12 in June, and that’s 84 in dog years.
For someone 84 he’s in reasonably good shape.
There are some concerns, however…” My ears tinkled and I leaned forward. Concerns?
The Mox is, after all, a valued member of the family despite his occasional midnight deposits on our rugs or his crabby attitude when his agenda is different than ours. Sure, he’s bitten us a couple of times but not lately. And sure, he growls and snarls when he’s unhappy, like when you try to move him off the couch or send him outside in the cold.
But hey, the couch is comfortable and it’s cold outside, so who can blame him?
After all, he can’t use words so his growls are actually pretty communicative. And ever time he bites he is remorseful afterwards. “Moxie has gained nine pounds in the past year,” said Dr. Steve. Gosh, I thought, that’s about 20% of his body weight.
He continued, “What do you feed him?” as he rummaged through the Mox’s medical file, “…is he still on Purina Dog Chow?” I cleared my throat.
This was a little embarrassing. “Uh, yes. And no. He’s on Purina Dog Chow and wesomet imesgivehimotherstuf ftoo. ” Now it was Dr. Steve’s turn: “What?” “Oh,” I continued, “Occasionally, not very often really, but every once in a while, sometimes if he’s been good, infrequently, we give Moxie some other things to eat, y’know, stuff from the table.” Dr. Steve said nothing, waiting. Clearly he had walked this path before with other dog owners.
I swallowed and looked at the floor, “We know we shouldn’t do it, but he’s such a good boy. And I know that I sure wouldn’t want to only eat Purina Dog Chow meal after meal after meal…” A knowing smile came over Dr. Steve’s face, “So what exactly do you feed him?” “Oh, a little bit of this and some of that.” I could see this wasn’t adequate. Why did I feel like fingering a rosary? “I often give him a piece of bagel with peanut butter on it, and the first wife likes sharing her frozen yogurt. Whenever we have popcorn, which is pretty often because we know we need fiber in our diets, the Mox gets it. And when I’m hungry I’ll often microwave two or three Lean Cuisines but usually that’s more than I want to eat so the Mox gets a half or so of them.
When I was into drinking Slim Fast for meals I would often prepare an extra one for Moxie. And whenever I reward myself for running in the morning with a chocolate chip cookie or three, I break off a half for Mox.
After all, he is on door patrol, waiting for me. And the Mox loves pieces of banana.” Dr. Steve was taking notes and I paused to let him catch up. “But pizza is probably the Mox’s favorite,” I said, getting into the spirit of things, “and he’s really partial to sausage although he will eat pepperoni.
He draws the line at green peppers, though.” Dr. Steve looked up, startled, “You mean there’s something he won’t eat?” “Yep,” I said with some pride, not wanting the Mox to look like the scavenger he is, “he spits out the green peppers.” “Amazing,” Dr. Steve said, “truly amazing.” “You mean it’s amazing that he has gained the weight?” I asked. “No,” he countered,” it’s amazing that he’s only gained nine pounds!” So we agreed that the Mox will move to the FIT & TRIM category. Boomer, his sister, doesn’t need to lose weight but I figure if it’s true for us it works for them: you can never be too rich or too thin.
I talked about this with the first wife and she agreed, we have to do what we have to do.
We even agreed to cut down the table scraps to only two meals a day. It’s only fair to make lunch and dinner a little special; they’re on their own with the FIT & TRIM at breakfast.
We now have four big bags of FIT & TRIM in the basement.
We were afraid that Moxie or Boomer would reject it, raised as they’ve been on Purina more or less, but that’s not been the case.
They both did a bit of smelling at first, the equivalent of “What is this in my bowl?” but soon settled in to scarfing the food down without chewing.
A good sign. I’m a bit worried, though, that this new diet will cause the Mox to lose too much weight.
After all, for Christmas we bought him this white sequined doggie jacket, size XL. It’s really cool with an image of Elvis playing the guitar on the back and fake red fur around the edges.
He is so proud when he wears it on those neighborhood walks with the first wife; he absolutely struts!
But now, what if he loses this weight? Does anyone know a doggie seamstress?
Originally published in The Times of Skinker-DeBaliviere, April 1997.
Read this article in the original newspaper issue.
Original source: SD_Times1997_04.pdf, printed page(s) 8; PDF page(s) 8.
