Historical October–November 1996 article. Dates, prices, services and contacts describe the source period; current availability has not been established.
We were in the basement, looking for box 73-11FA4 of shoes when we stumbled across a set of glasses.
The glasses were used when we were first married, a score-plus years ago, and had been packed for safekeeping.
After the second or third move, they were relegated to storage.
The glasses all have football Cardinal logos on the sides, courtesy of Shell gasoline, so I can see why they were put into the time capsule we call our basement.
There we were, the first wife and 1, poking around in the basement, opening a variety of containers, trying to read handwritten labels on the shoe boxes, gently moving piles without ever looking below the top several inches of detritus.
To the wife’s credit, she has her shoe collection organized quite methodically.
The first two digits on the box indicate the year in which the shoes were purchased, while the next two tell in which month the babies came home.
The letter system has something to do with the style of shoe, the first letter indicating country of origin and the second letter signifying color (a = alabaster).
The final number indicates whether the pair of shoes is an only child (1), purchased with other siblings (2), part of a family (3), or obtained from a wholesaler (4).
As luck would have it, no box 73-11FA4 of shoes.
We ran through the 72 series, along with 80, 81, and 86-91.
We found a stack of old LP’s: the Beachboys, the Beatles, the Mommas and the Poppas, the Four Tops, and, even, the Kingston Trio. I’d like to think that the last album was a gift, given to us by someone, but I’m not sure.
The musical tastes in our house range from Willie Nelson to the Rolling Stones, so anything is possible. Over to the left we found our blender collection. Well, it’s really not a collection, like the shoes are, it’s just that there are a lot of blenders there, all together. Back in the pre-Bee Gee Days, when we were married, there must have been a sale on blenders or some such thing.
For whatever reason, we were given SEVEN blenders! (The next most popular present was clock radios.
We received three of them.) Anyway, we’d initially intended to return the blenders, take them back to Venture or E.J. Korvette, and cash them in for something we newlyweds sorely needed, like a cook book. Alas, even in the 70’s time was scarce and we never got around to it. So today we have a mini-blender museum in the basement. And yes, we could still use a cookbook, not to mention a stove!
We continued to search, clearing away piles like someone wading in the ocean and moving away the water, and stumbled across the first wife’s racquetball trophies.
In her youth she was quite a jockette.
The zenith of her athletic career, though, may be the night that we were playing doubles and I, as ever wanting to things to be fair, played left-handed to keep the score close. CRACK was the sound that my racket made on her forehead. Like a shot, she dropped to the floor, unconscious.
The good news is that one of our partners was an ophthalmologist, so he made sure there was no permanent damage.
The other good news was that as a result of my hitting her in the head, she was unable to return the ball so my side scored a point. Next to her racquetball trophies we found her old Girl Scout mementos.
I knew we were getting close. “Tell me again,” I said, in my ever-cheery, always-supportive voice, “why we’re looking for this particular box of shoes.” “Don’t be silly,” she said, “you know why. Surely you remember 73-11FA4!” “Right,” I said hesitantly, thinking furiously to myself but drawing a blank. 88-06BR3 I remembered well, she was a good friend. And I always appreciated the leadership that 91-01G2 demonstrated when the sandals were acting up. 77- 02BB1 was old, but a good family friend, and who could forget the zany and crazy jokes that 82- 0113G3 always told?
But 73- 11FA4 just didn’t register with me. “I’ve found it,” she shouted suddenly, ripping open a box, knocking over an electric hot-dagger and pet rock in her enthusiasm. “Here she is!” Sure enough, she pulled a dusty shoe box from the larger container of shoes, and written on the side in black marker was 73- 11FA4. “Oh good,” I responded, “of course I remember 73-11FA4,” being the supportive, if not totally honest, spouse. “And again, why the search for this particular one? You have between two and three hundred shoes upstairs in your closets.” “I don’t know what’s-wrong with you,” she shouted, losing her patience with.me. “Surely you know that tomorrow is 85-10131’s birthday, and remember how she and 73-11FA4 were so close?
They struck up a friendship together in the shoe tree and later even went on vacation with us to DisneyWorld.” “Of course, honey,” I said as I dusted off a McGovern for President poster, “it just slipped my mind.”
Originally published in The Times of Skinker-DeBaliviere, October–November 1996.
Read this article in the original newspaper issue.
Original source: SD_Times1996_10.pdf, printed page(s) 8; PDF page(s) 8.
