Notice: Information Sought in the Strange Disappearance and Return of Romeo, longtime houseguest of the Weirs, 6120 Westminster.
On April 30, 1992, Romeo did not return from evening rounds for his breakfast. This was immediately viewed as suspicious as Romeo values food as highly as does Paul Prudhomme and has thereby achieved a comparable girth. It has long been suspected that he maintains a bigamous relationship with another family in the neighborhood, which might account for the extra calories he appears to have taken in somehow.
True alarm did not set in right away with his hosts, however, as occasionally even a cat whose amatory urges have been surgically curtailed will take a two or three day vacation.
After a few days, concern grew to anxiety and the alley-to-alley search began. Shamelessly calling his name at garage doors, over fences, and even into the sewer opening, the mother-figure combed the neighborhood describing the absent lodger and seeking witnesses to his activities on or near the day of his disappearance. Though several were helpful and all were sympathetic, no one could shed any light on his whereabouts.
The inquest turned then to the authorities who deal with the four-footed orphans of the storm. The Humane Society and the Animal Protective Association were gracious, taking a description of the missing fur-person and comparing it with their current list of detainees. The city and county Animal Control agencies were too overloaded to do anything but suggest an in-person visit. By this time, an overactive imagination was spinning nightmares of biological experimentation, satanic devotions, and entrapment. When a week and a half had passed without so much as a ransom note, hopes began to die.
On the 14th day, two weeks exactly from the morning on which he first failed to appear, Romeo returned. There was hardly more fanfare when MacArthur returned to the Philippines.
Scarcely an ounce had been shed from his ample frame. His health seemed unaffected, his attitude unfazed. He had a few more drinks of water than is customary, but otherwise was the soul of composure.
He sticks determinedly to one explanation for his absence. He insists that he was taken by aliens into their space ship where they performed several non-invasive physical and psychological experiments on him. He was quite frightened at first as he had watched many episodes of ALF and knew the snack uses to which felines were put by such beings. Fortunately it turned out that these aliens were not Melmackians and had selected him as a superior intelligence out of respect for his ability to supply all his needs and desires without work of any kind. (It always seems these aliens pick the smartest ones to abduct and interview.)
The Weirs harbor a doubt that this is the real explanation. If there is anyone who can help account for Romeo’s disappearance/vacation during this time, please contact the Weirs (any of them will do) at 863-7558. To help you determine if you saw him, here is his description: He is a BIG, orange and white cat, orange tiger-striped on his upper body and tail and white on his belly, all four legs and throat. His face is mostly white with a blotch of orange on his mouth which gives him the appearance of having a “VanDyke” mustache and goatee. He is generally extremely friendly.
Whatever happened during those two weeks has made a real homebody out of him. He is currently commuting only between the couch and the kitchen.
