Historical May 1992 article. Dates, prices, services and contacts describe the source period; current availability has not been established.
Are you a hard worker? At whatever it is that you do, in an office, home, school, factory, or warehouse, do you work hard? “Of course!” you respond.
As surely as there are birds in the sky, you think you work hard. And what about your neighbor? Yep, she thinks she works hard, and so does he, your other neighbor. I’ve never met anyone who thinks, or at least would admit, that they have an easy Job. Fred may like his job, Suzy may find her job challenging, Pat may even say that work is fun.
But no one — repeat NO ONE — says that they have an easy job. And, of course, all of us really believe what we say.
We really do think that we work hard.
But do we, all of us, really work hard? Is it possible that everyone works hard?
I think not If everyone worked hard, could we be having the myriad of problems and troubles that we have today?
I have to believe that if everyone worked hard (not just you and me; obviously we already work hard), streets would be safer and cleaner, planes would arrive on time, all kids would learn, and we’d never have to wait in line for anything And yet I don’t think that people are being dishonest when they think they work hard.
They really do. Think they work hard, that is But, of course, this simply doesn’t make sense. Have you gone to the Post Office recently and waited and waited and waited in line? No, it’s not that they’re understaffed. And almost any Post Office will do! How about the last time you were in a restaurant waiting for a glass of water or for your check? Don’t forget all those folks who make their living shuffling paper or just talking on the phone; can that be hard work? And then there’s the military! Other than Desert Storm, do you think that they work hard? And then there’s CONGRESS! And, no, writing bad checks doesn’t count as work! Other than working at getting re-elected, do you . . , never mind; I won’t even bother finishing asking this one! Yet each of these folks, if asked, would say, that of course they work hard. So what’s the skinny here? What’s going on, Ralph? Something doesn’t fit. It’s simple.
There are two principles operating here.
The first is the classic FUZZY MIRROR PRINCIPLE.
This principle says that none of us can really view ourselves for what we are. Whenever we see ourselves, it’s a distortion due to the fuzzy mirror we’re holding.
We almost always see ourselves as a little funnier, a bit brighter, a lot nicer, and a much harder worker than is really the case. Quick now: don’t you think that you work harder than your peers??? Gotcha, right?
The Fuzzy Mirror Principle isn’t always bad, mind you. Life would be much more rugged if we had to see ourselves as others do all the day. Thank goodness for fuzzy mirrors! Man’s ability to self-deceive makes life much easier. Yes, woman’s The second principle here which also causes people to think that they work very hard, harder than others, is a principle called the MOVEMENT = PROGRESS FALLACY.
This principle causes problems for lots of folks.
It means that we tend to confuse doing something for doing work.
As long as we’re busy, we figure, we’re working hard and getting the job done. So we push paper, we grab a cup of coffee, we fail to prioritize, we do those things we like rather than those things that we should be doing, we make lists and remake lists,’and then, hey, the day is over and BOY ARE WE TIRED!
If you doubt the Movement = Progress Fallacy, look at it this way: this principle is what we see in kids who say that they spend several hours each night working on homework when, in fact, they’re sitting in their room with the stereo blasting, fiddling with their Nintendo and talking on the phone.
But if you ask them, they don’t see themselves as relaxing or playing or wasting time.
They really think that they’re working and that the homework took them all of that time. Sound familiar? And then these kids grow up to be adults.
The acne leaves but the work habits remain.
Now some people do work hard. Maybe even a few people besides you and me. Just as it can’t be reasonable that everyone works hard, it can’t be reasonable to think that no one works hard except us.
We can argue about whether the percentage of hard workers is 10, 20, or 30 percent (my absolute upper limit), but we have to accept that some folks work hard. OK, now that we’ve scientifically established that somewhere between 1% and 30% of the population works hard, who are these people?
In the interests of public service, this columnist has surveyed several breakfast companions and higher education professor-types, and come up with the absolute, final, definitive, all-time list of the top ten hard workers.
These are the folks who make life acceptable for you and me. Without them society would grind to a stop and our trade deficit with the Japanese would be even worse than it is.
We owe them our eternal gratitude (especially if we don’t have to Work next to them).
Here goes!
The 1992 Top Ten List of Hard Workers 1. Vice-President Dan Quayle. Believe it or not, he works really hard at appearing not to work hard.
It can’t be easy, always playing golf, chairing meetings which have no purpose or outcome, and, and, and, and doing whatever else it is that he does. 2. Any counter attendant at Ted Drewes. Always busy and always a good product. Enough said. 3. Any dental assistant or hygienist. Sure, they’re not “on” all the time, but given what they do when they do it, it doesn’t matter what proportion is actually working versus sitting; would you want this job??? 4. Rex Hudler, the ultimate Cardinal (baseball not Catholic). Nobody works harder than Rex.
He gives 100% on every play, even when he’s not playing. Rex’s intensity makes Hannibal the Cannibal seem laid-back. 5.
The people who write advertisements for deodorants, hygiene products, and hair spray. • This cannot be easy work. 6.
The homeless. Seriously.
They may not have jobs or homes, but what they do every day, work at staying alive, is anything but easy. 7. Stephen King.
This guy turns out horror book after horror book, some even written under pseudonyms because he’s so prolific.
I hear that hisfingertips have calluses. 8. Mick Jagger. Nobody works harder than the Mick (except maybe Rex). I’ve seen him perform twice, and each time I went away impressed that anyone can writhe for that long on stage.
While singing, no less!
If you see him in action, you know why he’s so skinny.
He must burn 10,000 to 15,000 calories per performance. 9. Virvus Jones. Fighting with everyone can’t come easily, one has to work at it.
It used to be that Virvus opponent was Vince.
Now it’s Vince, but it’s also the Police Board, the airport bond issuers, Forest Park Forever, and .. Virvus has some valid points, and he works all the time at pushing them forward. He’s the Rex Hudler of politics. 10. You and me. Obviously we work hard, that’s why it’s so easy for us to recognize everyone else’s slothful behavior. So whaddya think? Did I overlook anyone? Do you know any hard workers that I’ve missed? Here’s your chance to nominate them for the HARD WORKERS HALL OF FAME. Send me this coupon with your candidates listed.
I nominate for the HARD WORKERS HALL OF FAME.
I do so because this person does Your name Send nominations to IYE, 6106 Kingsbury, 63112.
Originally published in The Times of Skinker-DeBaliviere, May 1992.
Read this article in the original newspaper issue.
Original source: SD_Times1992_05.pdf, printed page(s) 8; PDF page(s) 8.
