April Fool’s satire from April 1989. Operation CleanStreet and the purported parking ban are a joke explicitly disclosed by the original article, not an enacted ordinance.
It has just been learned that Operation CleanStreet, a new City initiative, will be implemented as a pilot program in Skinker DeBaliviere in early June. Under Operation CleanStreet, overnight parking of automobiles in three targeted neighborhoods, including Skinker DeBaliviere, will be prohibited by City ordinance.
The law is designed “to create a more suburban appearance by removing unsightly autos from our streets at night!’ according to Maurice Lockenstard, the Director of Operation CleanStreet.
The other City neighborhoods in which this program is being piloted are Hyde Park and Marine Villa.
The Operation CleanStreet program was to be announced at a press conference in late April, but this reporter learned of the plan by finding a memo left on a computer screen at City Hall.
According to Lockenstard, this strategy has been implemented successfully in other areas across the country, including Seattle, Reno, and Burlington, Vermont. Lockenstard says that the ban on overnight street parking will commence at 8:00 pm and remain in effect until 6:00 am. Autos found parked on the streets during this time will receive a parking violation and be subject to a $10.00 fine.
The program will begin on June 1 and be tried for six months.
After the six-month period, Lockenstard says, there will be a “full scale evaluation with neighborhood residents allowed to provide imput (sic) to impact the process:’ Lockenstard expects that there will initially be some concerns and criticisms of Operation CleanStreet’s overnight parking ban. “People are always resistant to new ideas!’ he says, “after all, there even used to be some people who didn’t think refurbishing the Admiral was a wise move!’ Lockenstard says that this new law shouldn’t create a problem for most residents who have garages or parking pads behind their homes.
City funds will be available as no-interest loans, he continued, to create asphalt driveways to the sides of those homes not having garages. Lockenstard emphasizes that this is a pilot program and is subject to review. “We might:’ he went on, “decide not to ban all cars, but just older models, maybe those built before 1984, or even ban cars by color.
If we only allowed red cars to be parked on the streets, we’d look more like Creve Coeur or Ballwin!’ Before you go and complain to Lockenstard or some other City official, before you sell your 1982 auto or paint your present car bright red, remember that this is the April issue. Yep, April Fool’s! Hope we “gotcha!”
Original photograph caption
Operation CleanStreet will make this view of 6100 McPherson a thing of the past. Original satirical caption. Photo by King Schoenfeld. The Times of Skinker-DeBaliviere, April 1989, page 1.
Originally published in The Times of Skinker-DeBaliviere, April 1989.
Read this article in the original newspaper issue.
Original source: SD_Times1989_04.pdf, printed page(s) 1; PDF page(s) 1.
