Historical November 1986 report or notice. Original dates, prices and contacts describe the source period; current availability has not been established.
Talk about stirring a hornet’s nest. …
Two short months ago I wrote a column asking who had the easiest job in the world.
As is my style, I was being extraordinarily serious and, therefore, I disregarded those easy jobs that we all know and love.
For example, I ignored being the nutritionist at Dunkin’ Donuts.
After all, could anyone venturing into a Dunkin’ Donuts have any thoughts at all about nutrition? Of course not, hence what an easy job!
As you may remember, after much research I concluded that “Wheel of Fortune’s” Vanna White has the easiest job in the world.
All she does is stand, smile, turn letters, stand, and smile again.
She edged out, by but a few points, automatic elevator operators, tenured professors, and attorneys. I ended the article by asking for your thoughts, dear readers, about the easiest job in the world. Talk about a public response! Talk about a ground swell of human emotion and opinion ready to be unleashed. Talk about people who have definite ideas about who’s the laggard. Yes, let’s talk about those things. Good.
Now that we’ve talked about those things, let’s get back to the real world. Much to my consternation, the response was slight. I got many sneers and MANY oral opinions, but all from people who didn’t want to exert the energy to write.
Before I tell you the winning entry for the most original suggestion, let me review some of the other entries. Apparently my comments were a real hit in the legal community.
A number of attorneys were upset with the charge that their jobs were easy and wanted to do something in response, but decided it sounded like too much work.
Another group of legal beagles (legal bagels?), morally outraged at my points, formed a consortium to work in unison to form a response and win the $10 prize. Someone somewhere else, however, offered them $10.15 so they quickly let the matter drop.
So much for moral outrage. I just can’t understand attorneys.
To think that they get paid good money for “giving” (ha!) their opinions.
And here’s the real kick: it’s not as if the opinions actually mean anything. Get ten different attorneys and ask them the same question and, no, you won’t get ten different answers. What you will get is ten folks asking you what it is that you want to do with the answer, finding some rationale for giving you whatever answer you want, and then billing you for the time. Of course. (Do you think that “Dear Abby” has legal training?”) Now to the folks at our favorite local institutions of higher education: One favorite tenured professor friend of mine, in response to my allegation that 4 p.m. is considered “late afternoon” in academia replied, “Late afternoon, nothing. I consider 4 p.m. the evening.” The kick here is that he said it without a smile as he walked out the door to play some soccer.
Another tenured professor called and left a message that he wanted to discuss my article.
He said that I could call him at the university at anytime during his working hours, 10:15- 11:30 a.m. and 2:20-2:45 p.m. I did do this and called him on a Tuesday, only to find out that his office hours are on Wednesdays and Thursdays only. Surprisingly I didn’t hear from any automatic elevator operators.
This makes me review my earlier allegation that their jobs were as easy as those of attorneys and tenured professors. I suspect that these poor souls were too busy pushing the elevator buttons and smiling to respond to me.
My apologies to all of you elevator operators.
The same goes for toll-bridge collectors. I didn’t hear from any of them either, but maybe the flood waters have made their jobs harder than I thought. (This reminds me, remember that great book about transplants and musical instruments?
The plot dealt with taking the feet off of pianos and the like and using notable surgery to put them on other musical instruments.
It was called For Whom the Bell Toes?
Now to the responses.
First, to whomever sent the unsigned note written in red ink: Same to you, fella! I don’t know who you are, but if you ever try that, you’ll be in big trouble. (I said “fella” because no lady I know would ever use that kind of language.) To whomever sent me the package with the crayon message: I don’t appreciate your sense of humor either.
To the typewritten unsigned note: That’s not true.
I know her and she works a lot harder than that.
It just looks easy because she’s so good at it.
To the person(s) who sent me the penciled scrawl on Board of Alderman stationery, what do you mean, if I keep it up you’ll “close Highway 40 at Skinker and divert all the traffic through Rosedale?” Well, enough of the unsigned anonymous responses.
Now to the honest, upstanding, true people who sign their names (even if they’re not always spelled correctly).
To Karen Kelsey goes our $10 gift certificate to Redel’s restaurant in the chee-chee West End. Karen is the winner for offering the most original entry (Karen, thanks also, for the chocolate chip cookies.) Karen wrote: “I think that the easiest job is a backup quarterback for N. Lomax.
No matter what shape Lomax is in or how badly he is playing, he never gets replaced. Backup QB draws a huge salary for watching football games.” Karen, I agree and hope you enjoy your free fries, Bud Lite, and chocolate malt shake.
In all fairness to backup quarterback Cliff Stoudt, though, you’ve got to remember that these are Football Cardinal games that he has to watch. Watching the Big Dead week after week (or weak after weak, whichever you prefer) can be pretty difficult. Grown men and women have been known to cry after sitting through an afternoon with the Big Ungrateful Dead. Nonetheless, for your originality, resourcefulness, and early entry, you’re the winner! .
To Robert Cox, Aaron Katzman, Cal Stuart and Ann Wald all of whom said that being the headmaster of New City School and/or writing “In You Ear” is the easiest job, I think you may be right.
As Aron said, “Pleasure, contribution, and satisfaction are but a few of the key ingredients that define an ‘easy job.'” In that case, I stand guilty as charged.
To all of the rest of you who just weren’t terribly clever and sent the envelopes to the wrong address, you’re just plain out of luck. Well kids, back to the farm. Next month’s column will feature a new contest and I want to mention it now to give you a few weeks headstart. Next month we’ll be talking about who has the nicest and best-trained pets. See you then, kiddos.
Originally published in The Times of Skinker-DeBaliviere, November 1986.
Read this article in the original newspaper issue.
Original source: SD_Times1986_11.pdf, printed page(s) 8; PDF page(s) 8.
