Historical September 1977 satirical letter, signed “Cassie Cacklin’.” Original language and wordplay are preserved as archival material.
Dear Editor On-the-spot coverage by this Pulletzer prize winning reporter details belatedly a demonstration outside Churches’ restaurants on its opening. The cacophony at Skinker and Delmar besides the expected snide “Cheap, Cheap” and “Buck, buck” included some of the following. The population control group. Planned Poultry Federation, paraded with baby chickens bearing fluffy feathered placards to wit: “This restaurant threatens small fry.” “It is only in keeping with our motto ‘Every cheeper a chosen cheeper.”‘ chortled Charley Chanticleer, chairchicken. The Chattanooga Chickens Cherubim Caelorum belted a spritely benefit concert from buckboards with such selections as “Be Kind to Your Web-footed Friends,” “Cheep No More My Lady,” and “Chicory Chick, Cha-la, Cha-la”. The finale was taken from early Churches’ euphorian chant. Memberships solicited by CACL (Chickens Against Churches, Ltd.) soared as chickens carromed in a congo line from corner to corner chanting “Clap! Cackle! Hop!” and young 4-Hers (Hens Have Heads and Hearts) flapped wings in time. Others participating included Chicano chickens cheeping “Shoo Churches’ Chicken!” German chickens chuckling “Chicken chow? Nein!” and Chinese chickens cheering “Everybody clap!” Churches’ sage attorney, Herb N. Spice commented “I could wring their necks … but what do you expect from a bunch of chicken-sitter?” “Those birdbrains are suffering from Downs’ Syndrome,” added chief chef F.F. (Fricassee Frank) Fowler. However a final opinion on Churches’ choosing an unwelcoming location was chanced by C. Cacciatore, well known gourmet: “Only dumb clucks would do a thing like that!”
Yours truly, Cassie Cacklin’
Originally published in The Paper, September 1977.
Read this article in the original newspaper issue.
Archival transcription note: This historical letter includes derogatory disability language and ethnic stereotypes. These are preserved as source language, not endorsed.
Original source: SD_Times1977_09.pdf, printed page(s) 2; PDF page(s) 2.
