Want ads — they all read the same. “Counselor,” “Advisor,” and/or “Public Relations Specialist.” And do you know what they want you to do? Sell insurance. That’s right — sell insurance. Not that there’s anything wrong with selling insurance, but why don’t the guys who write the copy tell it like it is? Why don’t they say “Sell insurance”?
My own thoughts are that selling insurance has, in recent years, taken on the same odious connotation as being a funeral director, an auto mechanic, or an arch criminal. Perhaps I exaggerate. Strike arch criminal. The other two stand.
I digress. I saw an ad that really caught my eye one time and I had to give credit to the toads who came up with it. Here’s what it looked like:
S leep ’til noon
E xceptional money
X xtra incentives
Clever, right? (Caught your eye too, didn’t it?)
There was a number to call and I did and you know what they wanted me to do? Yep, sell insurance.
Another read thusly:
must be over 21 must be sportsminded must have own transportation
Well, need I tell you what they wanted me to sell?
This really ticked me off because I had to drive 17 miles this side of Bogalusa to apply and when I asked the interviewer why in the name of common decency they slipped the “sportsminded” zinger into the ad his answer left me somewhat non-plussed to say the least: “Sportsminded people are usually sharper,” he said, smiling through emplasticized dentures. Incredible.
I know guys who can tell you Stan Musial’s batting average every year he was in the majors, but have trouble finding their way home at night.
Now, my ads would read like this, “Wanted — Rapidly expanding young man” or “High pay, short hours, expense account, new car. No one need apply.”
Another would read, “I need someone who is dull, fat, indolent, and rustproof to help me with my business.”
Maybe I’m just bitter because I took a personality evaluation test given by an insurance company and the results were somewhat hard to take.
They showed that I was unequivocally qualified to be a taxicab — or possibly a doughnut. anything but an insurance salesman — or a humor writer.
Originally published in The Paper, November 1973.
Read this article in the original newspaper issue.
Original source: SD_Times1973_11.pdf, printed page(s) 5.
